And it Begins
Raised Catholic in MN by my mother, my father would only go to service twice a year, I had no idea what was going on at any given time during the hour-long service. You could say it was a struggle for me to understand the concepts of Christianity, but then again I was making no attempt to even learn the basics of the belief system. I had no interest in the routine methodical structure of church and what its teachings and messages had to offer.
During my high school years I would snuff Christians for their worldviews and closed-mindedness. I had put my belief in the sciences, the only true and solid foundation. Steadily throughout my years after high school though, I began to yearn for something more. My philosophy on life was working on a simple level, but emptiness was engulfing my soul. I had joined the Army the summer before my senior year, but didn’t ship off to Basic Combat Training until after my high school graduation. A new chapter in my life was beginning.
Shortly after returning from Army training, I moved from my home in Minnesota to Brooklyn, New York to pursue a degree in security management. Finishing but a mere one semester I was called up to serve my country in Iraq. We landed the day the war started, March 19th 2003. I remember praying to God while in Baghdad every night as our building we were staying in shook from the incoming mortar rounds. The war took a lot out of me, but I also became wiser and a seed was planted…
Returning back to the states, I prematurely jumped back into school. It was hard. After coming so near to death, it was difficult to focus on the small menial things like homework, essays, and the like. The complaining and utter disrespect from other students made me sick. I needed something to hold onto, someone to take my burdens and grief. I made a point to express myself in writing:
Contemplation, my only solace to the lonesome crippling world I live in. I must now adapt to the things around me. Everything has changed so drastically from the comfortable life I once knew, a simple life of waking, school, and friends. No longer am I a spectator watching the worlds events unfold on the mindless screen we all know and venerate. I am now at the forefront of this epoch war awaiting my duty. I have already once fought for the ideals of our government, and every waking moment, in the depths of my mind, I conjure images of my next journey into hellish chaos. A reality I will surely face in the future. What strains and hardships will my relationships bear? How much more will my family have to suffer, all the families for that matter. Day by day, no wait, minute by minute loved ones sob from the blackness of not knowing where their other halves may be. It is so terribly hard to continue such a robotic methodical life I’m forced to live in this monetary driven society. There were times I knew I was dead, but death brushed pass me to claim another. I came home to a new world and dove in with such precision and pride. I felt reborn, but now my darker days have caught up with me. The euphoria of seeing my life of old has long since subsided. Everything around me is so insignificant. Will this feeling ever die or will I be forced to cope?...
I started working at a club in NYC as a bouncer with another gentleman named Mark. There were long periods of lull throughout the night so we talked. We talked about many things, but the main focus was on the universe and God. After a couple of months he gave me a book, The Case for a Creator, by Lee Strobel. I brought it home and it sat on my desk collecting dust for a good three months during which I continued listening to Mark talk. Then one day I picked it up and opened to the first page. I couldn’t put it down, I read straight through. I was thirsty and finally something had whetted my appetite. The truth had entered my life and I accepted Jesus as the Christ, as my savior, in February of 2007. I began attending church regularly from that point on and began my long journey into Christian literature. I couldn’t stop reading, I wanted more.
Fast forward to June of 2008. I was attending The Journey church, but that was it. I would go to service then leave. I decided to attend one of the “Play Dates” where a church member would put together an outing to a movie, dinner, or something of that nature. I ended up signing up to see The Dark Knight with Pastor Jason, the worship arts Pastor, and a group of about another 10 people. After the movie we went to Dallas BBQ to discuss the movies main themes. While sitting at the table I mentioned to Jason that I played the bass, his ears perked up and before I knew it I was on stage with the worship arts team jamming regularly on Sundays. In July I was baptized at Jones Beach, Long Island in the Atlantic Ocean, awesome! My life had drastically changed. Again I wrote, the pain still there, but in a different light, a different heart...
My heart physically hurts to see those in pain. I get that knot in the back of my throat that wells up until tears stream down my cheeks. A veil has been lifted, a sense long forgotten now awakened to an intensity that in past years was dormant and dulled. The desensitization that society has invoked upon me through mainstream media latent or not has been crushed under the power of truth, compassion, and life, as it should be lived. I can no longer laugh at the pains of others; rather, I feel the piercing cries of their every agony.
During my high school years I would snuff Christians for their worldviews and closed-mindedness. I had put my belief in the sciences, the only true and solid foundation. Steadily throughout my years after high school though, I began to yearn for something more. My philosophy on life was working on a simple level, but emptiness was engulfing my soul. I had joined the Army the summer before my senior year, but didn’t ship off to Basic Combat Training until after my high school graduation. A new chapter in my life was beginning.
Shortly after returning from Army training, I moved from my home in Minnesota to Brooklyn, New York to pursue a degree in security management. Finishing but a mere one semester I was called up to serve my country in Iraq. We landed the day the war started, March 19th 2003. I remember praying to God while in Baghdad every night as our building we were staying in shook from the incoming mortar rounds. The war took a lot out of me, but I also became wiser and a seed was planted…
Returning back to the states, I prematurely jumped back into school. It was hard. After coming so near to death, it was difficult to focus on the small menial things like homework, essays, and the like. The complaining and utter disrespect from other students made me sick. I needed something to hold onto, someone to take my burdens and grief. I made a point to express myself in writing:
Contemplation, my only solace to the lonesome crippling world I live in. I must now adapt to the things around me. Everything has changed so drastically from the comfortable life I once knew, a simple life of waking, school, and friends. No longer am I a spectator watching the worlds events unfold on the mindless screen we all know and venerate. I am now at the forefront of this epoch war awaiting my duty. I have already once fought for the ideals of our government, and every waking moment, in the depths of my mind, I conjure images of my next journey into hellish chaos. A reality I will surely face in the future. What strains and hardships will my relationships bear? How much more will my family have to suffer, all the families for that matter. Day by day, no wait, minute by minute loved ones sob from the blackness of not knowing where their other halves may be. It is so terribly hard to continue such a robotic methodical life I’m forced to live in this monetary driven society. There were times I knew I was dead, but death brushed pass me to claim another. I came home to a new world and dove in with such precision and pride. I felt reborn, but now my darker days have caught up with me. The euphoria of seeing my life of old has long since subsided. Everything around me is so insignificant. Will this feeling ever die or will I be forced to cope?...
I started working at a club in NYC as a bouncer with another gentleman named Mark. There were long periods of lull throughout the night so we talked. We talked about many things, but the main focus was on the universe and God. After a couple of months he gave me a book, The Case for a Creator, by Lee Strobel. I brought it home and it sat on my desk collecting dust for a good three months during which I continued listening to Mark talk. Then one day I picked it up and opened to the first page. I couldn’t put it down, I read straight through. I was thirsty and finally something had whetted my appetite. The truth had entered my life and I accepted Jesus as the Christ, as my savior, in February of 2007. I began attending church regularly from that point on and began my long journey into Christian literature. I couldn’t stop reading, I wanted more.
Fast forward to June of 2008. I was attending The Journey church, but that was it. I would go to service then leave. I decided to attend one of the “Play Dates” where a church member would put together an outing to a movie, dinner, or something of that nature. I ended up signing up to see The Dark Knight with Pastor Jason, the worship arts Pastor, and a group of about another 10 people. After the movie we went to Dallas BBQ to discuss the movies main themes. While sitting at the table I mentioned to Jason that I played the bass, his ears perked up and before I knew it I was on stage with the worship arts team jamming regularly on Sundays. In July I was baptized at Jones Beach, Long Island in the Atlantic Ocean, awesome! My life had drastically changed. Again I wrote, the pain still there, but in a different light, a different heart...
My heart physically hurts to see those in pain. I get that knot in the back of my throat that wells up until tears stream down my cheeks. A veil has been lifted, a sense long forgotten now awakened to an intensity that in past years was dormant and dulled. The desensitization that society has invoked upon me through mainstream media latent or not has been crushed under the power of truth, compassion, and life, as it should be lived. I can no longer laugh at the pains of others; rather, I feel the piercing cries of their every agony.
Very well said sir.
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